Anastasiya and Eric share their candid journey to parenthood, from conceiving after long-term birth control and facing a surprise gestational diabetes diagnosis, to navigating a sudden job loss just days before their daughter’s early arrival. Their story unfolds with an unexpected start to labor in the Poconos, a fast and empowering unmedicated birth in Manhattan, and the vital role of partner support and childbirth education. They open up about the realities of postpartum life—addressing new parenthood’s emotional and practical challenges, breastfeeding struggles, and the process of finding themselves again.

Resources:

Glucola test (Evidence Based Birth)

Sponsor links:

Free “Pack for Your Best Birth” Packing List (with free mini-course option)
Free “Smart Questions to Ask Your Care Provider” Checklist
East River Doula Collective (find a doula, attend our free “Meet the Doulas” event)
Birth Matters NYC Childbirth Education Classes (Astoria, Queens and virtual)
Birth Matters Online/Self-Paced Course

*Disclosure: Links on this page to products are affiliate links; I will receive a small commission on any products you purchase at no additional cost to you.

Episode Topics:

Introduction to Anastasiya and Eric: background, relationship, and life in the Bronx
Conceiving after long-term birth control and initial concerns
Pregnancy journey: physical and emotional experiences
Navigating a surprise gestational diabetes diagnosis and questioning the process
Coping with a sudden job loss just days before giving birth
The importance of childbirth education and advocating for yourself in the medical system
Preparing a birth plan and learning to ask questions in the hospital
Early labor starting unexpectedly in the Poconos and the rush to get home and to the hospital
Arriving at the hospital: advocating for delayed induction and eating during early labor
Laboring with minimal intervention: using movement, hands-on comfort measures, and partner support
The “butt sandwich” (double hip squeeze) and other pain relief techniques
Managing needle phobia and making decisions about pain management and epidural timing
The role of partner support: Eric’s perspective and practical ways to help
Fast, unmedicated birth: pushing, delivery, and immediate postpartum experience
Delayed cord clamping, golden hour, and advocating for newborn procedures
The realities of postpartum recovery: emotional ups and downs, sleep deprivation, and identity shifts
Breastfeeding challenges, pumping, supplementing with formula, and eventual success
The importance of giving yourself grace and normalizing postpartum struggles
Seeking therapy and support, and finding a new sense of self as a parent
Reflections on the transition to parenthood and advice for new parents and partners

Interview Transcript

Lisa (0s): You are listening to the Birth Matters podcast, episode one thirty four.

Anastasiya (4s): Honestly, if it wasn't for Eric, I, if I keep telling everybody, if Eric wasn't there and he wasn't there coaching me and guiding me and putting his face on my face, I probably would not have been able to do it without caving and getting the meds. And I, I think back to the day, and I think that honestly, it was probably one of the most defining moments of our relationship.

Lisa (31s): Hey there, and welcome to the Birth Matters Show. I'm your host, Lisa Graves Taylor, founder of Birth Matters, NYC, and Director of East River Doula Collective. I'm a childbirth educator, birth doula, and lactation counselor, and I've been passionately supporting growing families since 2009. This show is here to lessen your overwhelm on the journey and into parenthood by equipping and encouraging you with current best evidence, info, and soulful interviews with parents and birth pros.

Please keep in mind the information on this show is not intended as medical advice or to diagnose or treat any medical conditions. Did you know you can sign up to receive email updates whenever a new episode goes live? Visit birth Matters show.com to join our podcast community. Today, it's Anastasiya and Eric's turn to share their birth story. They explain how they navigated conceiving after long-term birth control, faced a surprise gestational diabetes diagnosis, and dealt with the unexpected challenge of a job loss just days before their daughter's early arrival.

Their journey includes an unplanned start to labor in the Poconos, a fast and empowering unmedicated birth in Manhattan, and the ways they leaned on each other and their childbirth education to advocate for themselves and create a positive experience. Anastasiya and Eric also open up about the realities of postpartum life from the emotional and practical challenges of New Parenthood to breastfeeding struggles and the process of finding themselves again. Before we jump into today's story, a brief word from our sponsor, your choice of care provider, obstetrician, or midwife is one of the most important choices you'll make toward your best birth experience possible.

However, if it's your first time to give birth, it can be really hard to know what questions to ask. You want to find someone who will provide compassionate, individualized care. You want to be aligned with a care provider and birthing location that's compatible with your very personal labor and birth preferences. But where do you even start? I'm so happy to offer you a free guide called Smart Questions to Ask Your Care Provider to help you begin to have these important conversations to grab your guide. Go over to birth matters online.com/smart.

This guide is usually a resource exclusively for Birth Matters students, but we wanted to make it available to our podcast listeners because it's such a valuable tool and because it's important to start these conversations on the earlier side than you might come to birth class. Again, you can grab that guide@birthmattersonline.com slash smart. Okay, now let's jump into today's story. Today I have with me my former students, Anastasiya and Eric, welcome.

Anastasiya (3m 20s): Hi. Hey,

Lisa (3m 21s): It's so good to see you. So could you please start us off by just introducing yourselves a little bit?

Anastasiya (3m 27s): Sure. I'm Anastasiya, this is my husband Eric. Hello. We're currently living in the Bronx originally. I am from Ukraine. I know, obviously that's been insane right now and it's a really tough time. But moved here to the Bronx probably, whew, about 30 years ago.

Eric (3m 44s): Yeah. Yeah. I’m Eric and I've been with Anastasiya for about 17 years now, and yeah, we just had our first baby, live in the Bronx now. Originally from Albany, New York. Work in IT. Yeah.

Anastasiya (3m 59s): So, yeah, and I am currently a stay at home mom at the moment.

Eric (4m 3s): Yeah, I'm employed.

Anastasiya (4m 5s): Yep. Yep.

Lisa (4m 6s): Nice. About four months in. And are you, is that just indefinite or what are the plans there?

Anastasiya (4m 12s): Coincidentally, funny enough, as if the birth and everything isn't life changing enough. I was actually laid off three days before I gave birth.

Lisa (4m 21s): That sounds like a lawsuit to me. Oh my. Yikes. This is tough.

Anastasiya (4m 25s): We, yeah, I'm

Lisa (4m 26s): So sorry.

Anastasiya (4m 27s): Thank you. As of right now, we're keeping it indefinitely just to try and see how we do and how it goes and stuff like that. I guess it time will tell how it works out and if I wanna go back to work if I don't how obviously the financial situation is looking. But right now,

Eric (4m 42s): Yeah, I work from home, so it's really nice just being with the baby and being with her and helping out as much as I can, dishes and cleaning pump parts and all that and trying to do my part. So it has been good though. We took it,

Anastasiya (4m 56s): We took it as like a blessing in disguise. I, yeah, absolutely. When do you get the opportunity to be home with your first child more?

Eric (5m 1s): Yeah. So, yeah, no, like that. And we live right near the in-laws, her parents. Yeah. So it's, they help out a ton. So it's actually been, it's actually been a pretty great support system, so yeah.

Anastasiya (5m 11s): Can't complain. So for now, that's where we're at. Yep.

Lisa (5m 14s): Nice. Alright, so let's start at the very beginning. If you would like to share anything about your conception and or pregnancy journey, jump right into that.

Anastasiya (5m 24s): Sure. I had been on the pill for probably about our entire relationship, probably about 17 years, something like that. Yeah. And for me it was a little bit nerve wracking because I was wondering how would conception be after getting off the pill, after being on it for so long? And obviously there's so much out there on birth control and how does it affect reproduction, et cetera, et cetera. But actually, to my surprise, I got off the pill within about a month and a half. Yeah. Everything stabilized within the body. Everything started to become routine. We started trying, and then I would say we got pregnant maybe in about three and a half months or

Lisa (5m 58s): Something like that. Wow. That's pretty fast. Yeah, yeah. After being on the pill for so long. Wow.

Anastasiya (6m 2s): Exactly. When I was on Loestrin, I was on like the smallest dose pill for a really long time. Mm. And that's another thing, it's one of those where you don't actually get your period. So I haven't had my period for a while, which was also a little nerve wracking, is still, oh, how would that happen? But no, the body just snapped back in and figured out what to do as if nothing had ever happened. Yeah. So, yeah. So it took about three and a half months. Yeah.

Eric (6m 25s): Yeah.

Anastasiya (6m 25s): And this is a funny story actually, how we found out we were on our way to go to a wedding. Yeah. And I had been feeling the weird indigestion, the type of indigestion that I've never had before for the week. And so I was like, just in case, let me just take a test really quickly just to see. So I went and took a test and then all of a sudden I didn't tell Eric what I was doing. He had no idea. Yeah. All of a sudden it like, it pops. And I was like, oh my God. So I was like, Eric, I was like, can you come here?

Eric (6m 51s): And I was, I was like, I was like, what? I was like, I'm in the middle of something. Is it important? She's like, yes. I was like, oh,

Anastasiya (6m 57s): Because do I really have to get up? I was like, yes,

Eric (6m 59s): You

Anastasiya (6m 59s): Probably should get up. You probably should come over.

Eric (7m 1s): I was working on a project or something. I was like, all right, fine. We come over. And I was like, oh my. We,

Anastasiya (7m 7s): Yeah. It was like,

Eric (7m 7s): Yeah, we lost it.

Anastasiya (7m 8s): It was crazy.

Lisa (7m 10s): Was crazy. Oh, well it was really, yeah. Is it important? Yeah. Really only a little, only life changing. I'm, yeah.

Eric (7m 19s): The most important thing ever.

Anastasiya (7m 20s): You probably should. And then, so that was good because obviously then we knew, you know, going into the wedding not to drink or anything.

Eric (7m 26s): Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Lisa (7m 29s): Good timing.

Eric (7m 30s): Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Anastasiya (7m 31s): Yeah. Yeah. And then pregnancy in and of itself, I think I honestly, I think I got really lucky. Yeah. I know that everybody's experiences are different, but I think when I look back at pregnancy, honestly I think it was a joy. She was such a good in utero baby. Yeah.

Eric (7m 47s): Yeah. She was kicking all the time, but I don't think it was too painful for you or anything. Oh

Anastasiya (7m 51s): No, it was, she was fine. Luckily, I luckily did not have any morning sickness at all. Yeah. The only thing that I had was maybe mild occasional heartburn, but it was very mild. A couple Tums would do. Yeah. I think the one thing that I did, and this is a personal kind of thing, was I know that there were a lot of guidelines when it came to what you could eat, what you can't eat, what you should eat, what you shouldn't eat. And there's so much information out there. And honestly, I just listened to my body and I ate it all. I ate anything and I didn't rule anything out.

I think the one thing for me personally that I tended to stay actually away from a little bit was lettuce. And I kept, we had a running joke that if anything would make you sick, it's always the lettuce.

Eric (8m 37s): It's always the lettuce that's like you know, unwashed lettuce or something. It's

Anastasiya (8m 41s): Always lettuce. So I tried to stay away from lettuce as much as possible. Yeah.

Eric (8m 46s): But you ate about everything else though. I think you had beef tartar. I

Anastasiya (8m 50s): Had this, let me tell you, this child ate good. Okay. She had all the yummy things. We had. Yeah. We had beef, tar, tar, we had caviar. Caviar, we had oysters, we had, I even did have very high grade sushi. So we went to the fancier restaurants so that we know that the quality of the fish was good. I did tend to eat less of the fish that was higher in mercury because I know that was something to be cognizant of. Yeah.

Eric (9m 15s): Like that.

Anastasiya (9m 16s): But, but honestly, everything else was a go for me. Yeah. I had the soft cheeses, I had good cold cuts. I had, and

Eric (9m 23s): This is, yeah. I would not necessarily recommend, but Right. Listen, this is our experience and used to eating all that stuff anyway constantly.

Lisa (9m 29s): And a lot of people these days are reading Emily O's books and Yes.

Anastasiya (9m 33s): Gonna

Lisa (9m 33s): Have that reassurance about it's not as terrifying and scary and dangerous to eat good quality sushi. Exactly. Not crappy gas station, supermarket, sushi, gas station, sushi hole. Ew. Is that a thing?

Anastasiya (9m 46s): Exactly. And so I actually

Lisa (9m 47s): Have, so that's helped a lot of people enter this time in life with less fear and a little more balance. So I love that. Yeah. I'm in full support of that. Yes.

Anastasiya (9m 57s): Yeah. So,

Eric (9m 59s): Yeah. I think the only major cravings you ever got was pizza. Pizza. Sometimes you just really wanted pizza. It was so fun. This baby

Anastasiya (10m 5s): Was born on pizza and McDonald's. Yeah. And

Eric (10m 12s): I, it didn't really, yeah, in terms of weight gain, you didn't really gain much weight. It's like Exactly. Every time we went to the appointment, they're like, everything was on track. It was so funny. Everything was so average, average, average. Every time we went to get a sonogram, they're like, everything is perfectly average. And I was like, yes, average baby. Exactly what we want.

Anastasiya (10m 28s): Exactly

Lisa (10m 29s): In this time in life, this is what we want to hear.

Anastasiya (10m 33s): And I think before, I always joke, I always say that I was eating for two before I had two. So then I kept my diet the same. Yeah. And it was fine.

Eric (10m 40s): No. Yeah. 'cause you really didn't eat any more than you normally did. No,

Anastasiya (10m 43s): Yeah. I tried to have a nice, very diet and I think my main thing was that I had to eat more frequently, but smaller meals. Yeah. And that kind of helped me keep, I would say, not nauseous, because I noticed that every time I would, let's say wait a little bit longer in between meals, I would actually start to feel a little kind of off a little queasy and then I would eat a little bit more and that would help. So I realized that, yeah, smaller meals more frequently actually helped me feel better throughout the pregnancy. And then I would say the only tough part about pregnancy and kind of the only thing that was unexpected, I should say my gestational diabetes diagnosis, which in the kind of lineage of the pregnancy it was, I still, I don't know, I'm still a little on the fence about whether or not I was personally misdiagnosed.

So essentially what happened was, as you're given a sugary drink, a very sugary drink, you drink it and then you take your glucose test. Yeah. The very first, and I think the first one has 50 grams of sugar in it. Hundred or something. No, I think the first one is it's maybe 75 or 50 or something like that. And

Eric (11m 51s): You didn't fast.

Anastasiya (11m 52s): So I did not fast. Yeah. Which was interesting.

Eric (11m 55s): They didn't tell you. So

Anastasiya (11m 56s): Yes, they told me that I did not have to fast. So that was fine. Okay. I had eaten maybe two hours before, which probably wasn't for the best. Yeah. But also I think what was interesting is that me and my diet naturally I just don't consume that much sugar. Like I don't have, let's say a lot of sodas No. Or a lot of sweets or anything like that. It's just very moderate. So I think you

Eric (12m 15s): Don't drink juice or anything.

Anastasiya (12m 17s): No. So I think in general, for me that was a high dose as was. So of course I tanked the first test. So they told me to come back for the three hour. The challenge for me, I am somebody who has a debilitating phobia of needles. Yes.

Eric (12m 32s): Very bad.

Anastasiya (12m 33s): It's the worst thing. It's the scariest thing in the world for me.

Eric (12m 35s): She’ll still pass out actually, we'll have to bring smelling salts just in case. So it's,

Anastasiya (12m 40s): It's so bad that when I go to the dentist to get my cavities filled. Yeah. I do it without Novocaine. Yeah. Because I'm scared of the needle rather than the pain. Yeah.

Eric (12m 51s): It's wild.

Anastasiya (12m 52s): So the three hour test, of course, was pretty, very, pretty rough, was tough. I was there, it was pretty, it was tough for me. And so the results came back. And essentially what happens is, according to, let's say like the guidelines, if you fail two or more of the three, then you had it right. I believe. Yeah. And so I think that's it. And so for me, what happened was the fasting came back fine. The middle two, the second they were just

Eric (13m 19s): Slightly

Anastasiya (13m 19s): And the third hour was slightly elevated. But then the last one, the very final one was normal again, which led me to believe that Okay. Obviously my sugar spiked because it was such a high dose and then it normalized again. But since I had failed two of the three, all of a sudden they're like, okay, you have it. Yeah. And so for me that was, it's just really scary because it,

Eric (13m 39s): I was, yeah. I was pretty freaked out 'cause I was like, oh no. Yeah. And one of our friends had it too, but she had it very severely. Yes. And it caused a whole host of other issues. We were pretty nervous. We were pretty scared. And we said, what are the options? 'cause she didn't wanna have to prick her finger all the time. Right. So we got one of these little electronic glucose monitors.

Anastasiya (13m 56s): Continuous ones. Yeah. Yeah. E gm that was, and that was actually for somebody was

Eric (14m 1s): Pretty cool though. That thing was pretty neat. So it's actually pretty awesome technology

Anastasiya (14m 5s): For somebody. Yeah. For somebody like me who is really afraid, I would say that is the path of least resistance. Yeah. It was nice. Not super painful, which was nice.

Eric (14m 13s): It didn't really hurt you at all. I don't have anything. You noticed it.

Anastasiya (14m 15s): You, yeah. You don't feel it when you put it on. It lasts for 10 days. It just monitors your sugar constantly and you don't really have to do anything. It's very small. And Eric helped me put it on, take it off so I didn't have to look or anything like that. Or have to deal with any of that. Yeah. And but the interesting thing was that I've noticed, this is why I think that perhaps that it was a misdiagnosis

Eric (14m 33s): Or you had such a mild case. Yeah.

Anastasiya (14m 35s): Was that the sugar would never spike. It would just, it wouldn't spike and it would go so low at night, so low that the monitor would start freaking out.

Eric (14m 43s): Because I think you were trying so hard to not have any sugar during this. I think we were super paranoid and we got like super low sugar, everything. And

Anastasiya (14m 52s): We were, yeah.

Eric (14m 52s): It was less than you would even normally have, which was already pretty low.

Anastasiya (14m 55s): It was very scary. It was like out of left field, what do you do? And then of course you then start to rack your brain with guilt. Is this my fault? Is this something that I did? Could I have done something differently? How did I screw this up? Essentially? But of course that's silly because there's nothing that you can do, nothing you can do. And so then I Plus

Lisa (15m 12s): You can blame it on the placenta.

Anastasiya (15m 14s): Exactly.

Eric (15m 14s): Exactly. Yeah. Yeah,

Anastasiya (15m 16s): Yeah. So then I tried an experiment. I said, okay, if my sugar is tanking so low and it never goes even above the, the normal threshold of what it is supposed to be, let me just try for curiosity to just go back to my normal diet and just eat, eat

Eric (15m 29s): The sweet bakes. It was, I think, I think we won. I think we had breakfast. And you just got like french toast and whipped cream and maple syrup. Yep. And I was just

Anastasiya (15m 36s): Like, and Eric was like, are you sure? And I was like, I just wanna, I just wanna see, and let's see how high it goes. Let's see what happens. Never spiked above the, even the normal limits. Not once.

Eric (15m 46s): Fascinating that you just ate normally and just you kept wearing the monitor the whole time, the whole rest of the pregnancy. Right. Just to be safe.

Anastasiya (15m 54s): And then, and, and it, I just, I went back to my normal diet, which I was consuming normally. And it never, nothing ever happened. Never.

Eric (15m 60s): We bought everything. We showed the doctors. And the doctors were like, you're managing it so well. And we're like, not really. We stop eating differently

Anastasiya (16m 7s): For, so, so in that respect, who

Eric (16m 8s): Knows? Yeah.

Anastasiya (16m 9s): I don't know. I thought about it and I, and I wish, I wish that maybe the system was not like a one size fits all scenario that they don't take diet into account or

Eric (16m 18s): I think we, once you're diagnosed, it was like, that's it, you've got it. It wasn't like, oh, you could get another test or you can maybe we can look at all these logs from this monitor for months and say, oh, maybe, maybe it was just a fluke on that test. Who knows? And or maybe you're so nervous and freaking out during the initial test.

Anastasiya (16m 35s): That's that's right. That's a spike. The cortisol

Lisa (16m 36s): That can cause it. Sure.

Anastasiya (16m 37s): She was, yeah. And

Eric (16m 38s): Pretty rough shape.

Anastasiya (16m 39s): And then once you're diagnosed and once you have it, it's like that then pulls a trickle down effect of everything else. So then you have to get a myriad of other tests. Yeah. And then it also affects the baby when she's, what, in our case, she is born and every time you go it's everybody's like, do you have this? And then it's just, what if I don't? And you know, or it's so mild that what if, why does it constantly need to be reiterated? Or if I feel good, if everything is normal. And then of course, because I had it, then they add extra sonograms and ultrasounds and things like that because then they start tracking weight in case the baby gets too big, et cetera, et cetera.

I even had one time at one of the appointments, and I won't say who it is, but I had a doctor one time tell me that, oh, you have it, so most likely you're gonna have to be induced when you go in if she doesn't come by the due date. And I said, okay. I said, what if I don't? What happens if we wait? Oh

Eric (17m 33s): Yeah, that's,

Anastasiya (17m 33s): She's flat out tells me. She goes, she goes, she'll probably be a stillbirth.

Lisa (17m 37s): Oh. Like, that makes me so mad.

Eric (17m 40s): She was, she was

Anastasiya (17m 42s): So unfair

Eric (17m 43s): Manner. Yeah.

Lisa (17m 44s): Coercive.

Anastasiya (17m 45s): And I was just like, really? You're just gonna, you're just gonna go right out with that and that's just how we're gonna do it. Yeah. And it's either induction or that there's no other alternative. And I was just, it was so disappointing. I left that, I left that visit. So, so disappointed. Yeah. And it wasn't my regular OB. This was one on rotation. And I just remember thinking, then I started spiraling, do I need an induction? What's gonna happen? I really don't want one. What if I'm, they force it when I don't need it because of this diagnosis.

And, then it was just, it was very upsetting because obviously as something that I took away from your classes, which we'll get into is wanting to wait on my own time and asking questions, asking a lot of questions and ensuring that I at least have as much of my autonomy. Yeah. My, yeah. Yeah. And my birth plan went according to plan as possible. So that was how the pregnancy went. Yeah. Oh

Eric (18m 40s): Yeah. But overall great. Yes. I would say overall, yeah. You were pretty happy, pretty chill. Pretty, yeah. It was really nice. Yeah. Yeah. And we were very excited. Yeah.

Lisa (18m 51s): Yeah. Nice. Now you took my savvy Birth one oh one workshop, I believe, before you came to the All in one group class. And I think you took that in February. And then you came to birth class in April. Right. Anything to note on? Just things that you found helpful since you said you alluded to that? Yeah.

Eric (19m 15s): Yeah. I'm a skeptical person. I'm skeptical of everything. So some of the advice, I was like, I don't, this seems a little silly, this seems a little crunchy granola, as you said. And I was pretty surprised we took a, A lot of the advice you gave was really, really helpful. It was like

Anastasiya (19m 31s): In hindsight.

Eric (19m 31s): Yeah. Yeah. I was just like, wow, we really use, if we hadn't taken that class, not the doctors and nurses just tell you stuff and you're like, okay, I guess I gotta do this 'cause you don't know. But I asked, both of us asked a lot of questions or said, I think, is this medically necessary? What is the end goal here? What is the point of doing these specific things? And they would say a lot of 'em would be confused. It would be like nobody ever asked them before.

Anastasiya (19m 53s): Yes, yes. A lot of they're,

Eric (19m 54s): Oh, I never got that question before. Yes. Like, guess you can wait. You know, we'll get into that later. But it's, yeah, it was helpful actually. I

Anastasiya (20m 1s): Think that was the big, I think the biggest was yes, as Eric said, realizing that you can always ask questions and that it's your body. You have a say, you know, you are the person that everything should be centered around, not the other way around, not the doctor. And honestly, that's something that I probably would not have ever really thought about until taking your classes. It was eye-opening in that you realize, you, you, you put so much emphasis on doctors because they're the accredited ones. They went to school, they should know best, they should have your best interest in mind.

But when you realize that sometimes if you can ask questions and you know, be further educated, you realize how many more options you actually have. Yeah. And so I think that was definitely huge. Of course, putting together a birth plan was very important and kind of, yes. That was great actually. Knowing what ideally you would want, but also trying to be flexible, and understanding that anything could happen. Of course. Yeah. And keeping an open mind, but trying to keep it to as much as what I wanted. As much as possible.

Yeah.

Eric (21m 2s): And they were really, and they were really good about it. I was surprised 'cause we wrote down the whole birth plan and a lot of the guidelines that you were talking about and they were like, okay, yeah, we can do this, we can do this, we can do this. Yeah, no problem. So many little things that I was like, ah, they're not gonna, they're just gonna be like, this is how we do a birth. This is exactly right. The structured, and it's like a, it's like a factor, you know, like, right. We do these things according to the rule and I feel like some of the steps were a little, oh yeah, I guess I guess you can wait. I guess you can do this. And it was, they were like surprising.

I feel like most people go in there and they're just like, whatever you say, let's, let's do it. So whether that's good or bad, but so for, it worked. So it was great.

Anastasiya (21m 42s): Let's, so I, I'll dive into, I'll dive into kind of, oh yeah. The, the, the overall birth story and then fact pepper in the points that helped along the way. Can I

Lisa (21m 50s): Interrupt you just for one second and ask one question? I was reviewing your class intake and it just brought this question to mind. Yeah. Before you did the birth class, had you envisioned what your preferences were or your ideal birth scenario? And then did it evolve as you started educating yourselves? Yes. Just curious.

Anastasiya (22m 9s): Yes. Yes. I think I was educated on what I wanted, but first and foremost, I think the class also helped me realize the myriad options that I had available to me. A lot of things I just didn't know. For instance, wireless monitoring for the fetal heart monitor and kind of the contraction monitor. Yeah. Also, I did not, you see what you see in the movies and then if you're not too well versed in the whole pregnancy and how it goes in labor, that's like what you think of. So I didn't, I also didn't realize that sometimes your water can break before you have contractions.

Yeah. Such as in my case, yeah. I really, I also did not know that there could be plenty of time in between those two things happening. Yeah. I also did not realize that there are different positions available to me. Again, you think that you go into the hospital, you're on your back, you do the thing, you push you labor, you, you don't realize that you have tools and squat bars and peanut balls. You can ask and you can ask hospitals for these things. And who knew?

Eric (23m 2s): You can walk around. Yeah.

Anastasiya (23m 4s): You can walk around. Yeah. You can, eating was a big one. I've always heard that. You can't eat when you get to the hospital. You're not allowed to eat anything, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, and I'll, I'll get into this, but we did eat Yeah. Literally while we were in labor. That was great.

Lisa (23m 18s): In front of the hospital staff or, or when they're out of the room. Okay. I'll stay tuned.

Anastasiya (23m 24s): Yes. And then in addition to that, also the asking of the questions, the asking, is it a medical necessity? How much time do I have? In my mind, I thought I would kind, I didn't wanna be induced. I knew that because of the needle phobia, I didn't, ideally, I guess I didn't want an epidural, but I knew that, let's say if the pain got too bad, perhaps maybe I'd have to, I'd have to get one. Or maybe they'll, you know, put you on. I always thought you had to be on an IV drip the entire time. I didn't realize that there were such things as hep locks and you know, you can put it in but not have it, and you can ask for these things.

Yeah. I also didn't realize you can bring a bunch of stuff and decorate the room beforehand, you know, set the ambiance, but you can, that was really interesting. And then of course, when, I think another huge thing that we took away from this, and this is something that I literally brag to everybody I know about, was talking to your partner about your preferences beforehand and how truly important that was in terms of what you wanna hear, what you don't wanna hear. Yeah. What works for you, what might not work in the moment. And then of course, the hands-on techniques. Yeah.

These are things that I would've never thought of or known about prior to the class. And they were so, so, so instrumental. Yeah. In the labor. This was like a huge, this was like the biggest part of our labor story, actually. Truly. No, truly. That's

Eric (24m 41s): Part of the reason we wanted to do the podcast actually.

Anastasiya (24m 44s): Yes. So I'll get into that as well. But all those things, you know, it added it, it made the entire knowledge base more well-rounded. Yeah. For both me and I think you as well.

Eric (24m 53s): Yeah, definitely. It was huge.

Anastasiya (24m 54s): Yeah. And how the and how and what part, what made

Eric (24m 57s): It less scary? Yes. To me, for both of us.

Anastasiya (24m 59s): Yeah. Yes. And that was another thing. Yeah. I think talking about it and framing it in a way that your body just knows what to do. It's na, it's a natural event. There's no need to be scared of it. You just have to embrace it. Yeah. And go with the flow. I think that was also crucial and very helpful. I remember that you said it, it was like waves and you just have to let them in and let them pass. And if reframing your brain to think of it as, it's not a bad thing. This is natural and this just means the baby is getting closer and the timing goes with it.

Just honestly, trying to keep that in the back of my mind really helped. Yeah. And it helped pace everything out. And then,

Eric (25m 38s): Oops,

Anastasiya (25m 39s): There was a, yeah, it was, there was a lot that we really took away from it and I think it was really helpful. Yeah. And then of course the after stuff too, like the changing of the diaper and things that I'd never done before. So that was helpful

Eric (25m 49s): Too about this baby, what do we do?

Anastasiya (25m 52s): Like those little hands on things, the s swaddling and although we never got good at swaddling, so Yeah. Yeah.

Lisa (25m 58s): It's tricky. It takes a lot of practice and not everybody uses it and that's fine too. Yeah.

Anastasiya (26m 4s): So if you don't mind, we'll dive into that.

Lisa (26m 6s): Go right ahead. Perfect timing. Yeah.

Anastasiya (26m 8s): Awesome. So as I mentioned before, I had been laid off three days before. So essentially what happened was I was laid off work had been really stressful leading up to it. Yeah. And then it hit just like a peak. I was laid off and then it, the stress was really because there was no more, there was no more work stress. Yeah. So what we did was, and also I should preface this by saying, she came early. She came three weeks early, three weeks earlier than anticipated. So although I had my hospital bag packed and ready, I was not in the mindset of, okay, I'm going to have my baby now. Yeah.

So we went to the Poconos to relax. Yeah. So we were at the Poconos house. Yeah.

Eric (26m 42s): With the salon. Yeah. Her parents have a little cabin on the Poconos that we hang out at every summer and stuff. So we're like, right, let's, let's go hang out. Yeah. Yeah. No big deal. So, because our, 'cause the hospitals, yes. We had, she gave birth in was in Manhattan, so it

Anastasiya (26m 56s): Yes, it was lower Manhattan. Way down Manhattan. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Eric (27m 0s): Yeah. So it was pretty good. Two and a half hours or so, or Oh wait, a lot more with traffic.

Anastasiya (27m 5s): So I wake up in the morning to just go pee. Just the usual stuff. Then it's probably about five in the morning, then it's five in the morning. Yeah. And then I realized that I am either peeing a lot more than usual or I'm a lot more wet than usual. And it was one of those things and I'm thinking about it and I was like, oh my gosh, is this what Lisa talked about? Is this the water breaking? Because I also remember it could happen differently for everyone. Yeah. Sometimes it's a trickle, sometimes it's a gush, sometimes it lasts for a while. And I'm looking at it and not to be too graphic, but it's okay. We learned a lot, as you also mentioned the mucus plug and the bloody show and all that.

Those are things that I also had no idea about prior to the class. But these are things that I was now looking out for because I was informed. So I was looking and all these things started to happen a little bit. Not a lot, but a little bit. And I said, oh my God, I actually, I think this is, I think it's happening, but I wasn't having any contractions yet at all. Nothing. So I ran over Eric's dead asleep. I'm like, Eric,

Eric (27m 57s): It was like five at 5:00 AM

Anastasiya (27m 58s): I think I'm getting up. I'm like, I think I'm in labor. And he was just what? And I was like, yep. Yeah. Now the caveat was because I was not prepared. Everything, all of our stuff, including my ID, my hospital bag, the car seat, it was all in the

Eric (28m 9s): Bronx. Didn't even have to put the car seat in the car yet. Nothing. We had the go bag ready to rock, but it was in the Bronx, but it was in the Bronx.

Anastasiya (28m 17s): So, so I said, Eric, I said, please. I said, look, I, I have my hospital, I have my birth bag, I have my birthing plan printed out in there. Everything. I said, can we please get up and go home, grab everything. I'll feel a lot more secure if I have all the things. And kind of everything feels like it's going according to plan. Now of course Eric's panicked at this point because he is like, what if you have the baby? What if you, and I said realistically, I said, I'm not having contractions yet. I think that buys us a little bit of time. Yeah. I said, if we get going we can make it happen. Yeah. We hop in our car, we literally load it up, we drive to the Bronx and this was a Friday morning, so it was like five in the morning to about seven.

So this was like peak, peak, rush hour. So we were really worried we would hit traffic. Thankfully, no. Got really lucky. Got home in two hours, ran into the house, packed all of our stuff in between. I called, obviously I called my provider, I just let them know. I said, this is what's happening. And they said, oh, okay. So they said you'll be here in about three to four hours. Right. And they didn't seem very concerned. Yeah. So I was like, okay, that leads me to believe that I have a little bit of leeway. We're okay. Yeah. So then we took the car seat, put everything in, drove then from the Bronx to the hospital, which was again lower Manhattan.

So we were also worried about traffic again. Miraculously got super lucky. Somehow got into the city in 40 minutes, which is record time. Parked the car, got to the hospital. And then I remembered also that you had mentioned that sometimes they put you in triage and sometimes you can wait a little while if you're not in kind of active labor. Which obviously I didn't have contractions yet. So I said, oh, what if we're waiting around for a really long time, what's gonna happen? But we got to the hospital, I let the people at the, the kind of admitting area know that, Hey, my water broke.

Luckily.

Eric (29m 51s): Oh yeah. Once you said the water broke. They're like, right on.

Anastasiya (29m 53s): Luckily they checked me and they're like, okay. Yes it did. We actually have a room freak. Oh yeah.

Eric (29m 57s): We got lucky. Yeah. Nice.

Anastasiya (29m 59s): Literally got there, got into a room and actually as far as rooms go, it was nice. Pretty big. It was a really big room.

Eric (30m 5s): Big, yeah. I'm surprised. And this was about, I thought it was gonna be a little hospital room.

Anastasiya (30m 7s): No, it was a big room. It was fairly nice. I had all my, I had all my ambiance, decor things that I had. And when we got there, it was about 10 in the morning at this point, something like that. And the nurses came in and they're like, okay. They're like, we're gonna have to probably induce soon. So they're like, do whatever you need to do, et cetera. And I said, Hey, ask the questions. I said, yeah, why do I have to get induced? I said, it seems like things are moving. I said, at this point I started to have very mild contractions. What felt like period pains just very mild.

And I said, what seems like things are moving along? Is it necessary? And this is what Eric was saying, they were taken aback. They're like, yeah. They're

Eric (30m 45s): Like, oh, it's like that. Nobody ever asked me. Yeah. Because they're pretty much just like, oh yeah, okay, you're here. It's time to induce. And, and I feel like most people are like, okay. And so

Anastasiya (30m 54s): Then she was like, okay, let me go check in with the doctor. I said, great. They leave, they come back and they say, okay. The doctor said, let's wait. I think she said three or four hours. Yeah. To see how you go. She said, if, if things don't progress within three or four hours, she's then we'll wanna induce. I asked why. And they said, well because your water broke, it increases your risk of infection, et cetera, et cetera. I said, how long do I have until things get severe? And they said, well 24 hours. And then I was like, okay, well it gives, so I felt a little better about that because I knew that I had some time. So I said Great. So I said, let's wait. Then they told me, so get this.

So we got these nurses and the nurses at Lower Manhattan were wonderful. Oh, they are really wonderful. They came in and they said, they said if in the off chance that you have to be induced, they said, you obviously will not be able to eat and you will be hooked up to stable iv. Yeah. They said, so why don't you get some food now?

Eric (31m 40s): Yeah, just eat, they'll eat a bunch of food right now. Order

Anastasiya (31m 42s): Some food. So they

Eric (31m 43s): Told me, load up me because you're it

Anastasiya (31m 45s): For a while. So they told me I can actually order food. I can Uber eats food into my hospital room while I am in labor technically. So that I, on the off chance that I'm induced, I have like fuel. So I literally got a burger and fries. Oh yeah. Scarfed it down. I love it.

Eric (31m 59s): You got like a double cheese burger.

Anastasiya (31m 60s): It was, yes. It was amazing. I honestly didn't even,

Eric (32m 3s): I think that provided you the energy for the whole thing otherwise. 'cause we didn't eat anything. Nothing.

Anastasiya (32m 7s): Yes.

Eric (32m 7s): You're like in a rush. We didn't have time to do anything other than get everything done all and yeah, sure.

Anastasiya (32m 11s): And then I was feeling pretty good at this point, so I knew that. I'm like, okay, let's get moving. Let's start moving so that I can get this kind of progressing and work in a way. So I'm in the hospital room, I'm moving around, I'm doing the thing. And they came over to check me periodically. But again, after I gave them my birth plan, they actually were pretty hands off, which I appreciated. That's what I wanted. Yeah. Yeah. So aside from coming in to check me maybe once every hour and a half, nobody really bothered me. Yeah. And nobody really said anything.

Eric (32m 37s): Kept the lights dim.

Anastasiya (32m 39s): I kept the light dim. I pretty much was able to labor in any position that I wanted. And the one that surprisingly actually helped me the most was the hospital bed was in a seated position. And so it was holding the top of the hospital bed laying on it so that my stomach is facing where you would be laying down and I'm on my knees. I remembered you had mentioned Let Gravity do its work. So being upright like this was really pleasant and helpful. Nice. And while I was laboring, another thing that really helped was you had mentioned when we were practicing hands-on techniques with our spouses.

Yep. There was one where you push the pelvis in as hard as you can where the spouse pushes on your butt cheeks. Really?

Lisa (33m 19s): Yeah. The butt sandwich, the double hip squeeze

Anastasiya (33m 21s): The butt sandwich was my saving grace. Let me tell you. Oh yeah. In the beginning. That was the only thing that provided me relief. Especially when contractions were happening and Yeah.

Eric (33m 31s): 'cause it seemed like you were on, the pain seemed pretty bad, but so

Anastasiya (33m 34s): It grew gradually.

Eric (33m 35s): That seemed to help a lot. A lot. And I really squeezed and I thought I was worried I was gonna hurt you, but now it seemed like it really opened the hip. It really

Anastasiya (33m 44s): Helped. And actually another thing, 'cause I knew that I would try to tolerate it as long as I could without the epidural. That was my thing. If I could tolerate it, I will. And I'll do it naturally. If I can't, I won't. When I asked the nurses, I said, what is the last possible moment that I can get it just so that I know in case I really do need it? And honestly, they're like, oh. They're like, you can get it as soon as 30 minutes before you pop. And I was like, which I was surprised. I was surprised by that too. I said, okay, so I have time. The only thing they did tell me, which actually scared me a little bit, was they're like, because it's effectively a spinal tap, you have to sit very still for at least 15 to 20 minutes.

And they said, when your contractions are stronger, they said, you might not be able to do that. And so the thought of sitting completely still while a humongous needle is being injected into me, honestly

Lisa (34m 32s): With you particularly

Eric (34m 34s): Yeah.

Anastasiya (34m 36s): There's no issues. This is just temporary. I kept telling myself, I'm like, wave, it'll come and it'll go. It'll come and it'll go. And so we're doing that. And then the anesthesiologist, this poor anesthesiologist, he comes in and he comes in to discuss my options. Now of course as he comes into the room, I am in the middle of a contraction. Like

Eric (34m 53s): Bad like Yeah.

Anastasiya (34m 54s): And he, and he is, do you have any allergies? Have you ever been put under before? And he's trying to ask me these questions and I am literally here going and I'm doing, I'm breathing and I'm like, can you please come back? Can you just, he said, no problem. He leaves, comes back about 40 minutes later, not even again in the middle of a contraction. Except this time they're more severe. Oh yeah. So I literally at this point don't even wanna talk anymore. I was like, you know what? No, just no. Just no. Finally, I can't believe

Lisa (35m 17s): You're using the word please earlier. And now

Anastasiya (35m 19s): I just, maybe

Lisa (35m 20s): He's gonna say it for you. Yeah.

Anastasiya (35m 22s): Finally, probably about 40 minutes later he, I just, I hear him. I

Eric (35m 26s): Can't, he came in like, yeah, it was this, the third, third time.

Anastasiya (35m 29s): Like get out. And he never came back after that. Yeah. Good. Him, like I said, the nurses, they were very hands off. Nobody really bothered me. Nobody really came in. It was literally just me and Eric doing our thing. Yeah. And I think this part, what was the most helpful is I know that Eric was really good about words of encouragement and guiding me through the whole process. And this was something that we had talked about after the class of what works for me and what kind of guidance will work, what kind of words of affirmation I want or what I don't want.

And like what feels good. And if something doesn't feel good, I'll tell him to stop and not do it. And so he was really great about saying, you got this, you can do it. It's just a short contraction. It'll be over before you know it, you're so tough. Your pain threshold is great. You can do anything. You got this just a little longer. It's almost all these things of kind of a reframing. And it really helped just put my mind back into perspective honestly about, hey, I do got this. I do have a very strong pain threshold.

And

Lisa: Go, Eric, nice. I love it.

Eric (36m 36s): I really, I was like, she is going through the toughest thing she'll ever go through. I have to be as supportive as humanly possible. I was like, 'cause whatever she's going through, I have to put a hundred percent of my effort into making sure this is easy.

Anastasiya (36m 49s): And, and and, and what's so good because sometimes I would, it helped. I remember, it's funny enough, your brain really does release hormones that block the memory of it out. Yeah. Because I remember the contractions. I remember they were painful. Could I explain to you what it felt like and what that pain feels like? No. I have zero recollection. I can't explain it to you. I don't know. I I I can't tell you. I just remember it was painful spiral. Right. But I remember, yeah. I don't remember what kind of pain, I don't remember exactly what it felt like, but I remember there was a moment or two when I said, I might tap out. I might need this.

This might be a little too much. And Eric was like, he's, you've gotten this far, he's, you can do it. He's, you can do anything. He's, you just, just stay with it. Keep with it. You're doing so good. And then before I know it, it would pass again because then they would become shorter and closer together. And also, funny enough, I just, I don't know why this stuck, but it did during your classes, I remember you mentioned that when you were laboring you would do like a pounding thing. And for some reason I channeled that. And literally every time I came I would rhythmically pound on the hospital bed and trying to pay attention to the pounding versus the pain helped shift the brain a little bit until something on something else.

Yes. And so that's what I would do. I would pat and then it would stop. Yeah. And then it was interesting because after that, the contractions only, honestly, I got very lucky, lasted about two hours and then she started descending. And that was an entirely different kind of set of feelings. So it felt, honestly, it felt like you really had to take a big poop. That's what it feels like. It feels like your body is trying so hard to take a big poop. And so I'm in the hospital bed and it's just the two of us. And I told Eric, I said, oh my God. I said, what if I do poop on the hospital bed?

Like,

Eric (38m 29s): Okay. I was like, they've seen it all don't.

Anastasiya (38m 32s): I said, I don't wanna be this person.

Eric (38m 33s): This is nothing compared to what I've seen in the hospital. So,

Anastasiya (38m 35s): So I called the nurse in and I said, check me. And she said, I think at this point I was maybe like five centimeters dilated. And I said, Hey. I said, would it be okay for me to labor in the bathroom because I'd feel more comfortable in case I do have to take a poop. And she was like, sure. And I was like, is there a chance of the baby falling out on the toilet if I sit on the toilet? And she was like, no. And I said, great. So now me and Eric have moved into the bathroom and essentially what I literally, for an hour, I think I went from sitting on the toilet to standing up next to Eric to sitting on the toilet to standing up next to Eric in the bathroom.

Eric (39m 6s): But it seemed to help a lot because it's like, it kept you, it kept

Anastasiya (39m 9s): And there was

Eric (39m 10s): Massaging her the whole time. And

Anastasiya (39m 12s): There was a grab bar, so it was nice to grab onto something. I think at one point I grabbed Eric's hand.

Eric (39m 16s): Oh my gosh. She grabbed me so hard. I thought she was gonna cut my hand open or something. I was just like, it's okay.

Lisa (39m 23s): The question is, did you take any rings off Eric? Like we talked about in class,

Eric (39m 28s): I think. Yeah. No, I did. I think she did.

Lisa (39m 30s): So no broken fingers, I hope.

Eric (39m 32s): Yeah, because I work on cars a lot and I always take my rings off before I do any major work. So I'm like, okay, I

Lisa (39m 38s): Don't think I've ever heard any hurt. I've never heard anyone liken doing mechanic kind of work to labor support,

Eric (39m 44s): Listen, mysterious, possibly dangerous activities.

Anastasiya (39m 49s): And then it was, and it was so interesting because then afterwards the butt sandwich obviously was no longer helpful. So we stopped with the butt sandwich, then actually rubbing the back and the shoulders seemed to help a lot more. Different types of labor, different types of needs. Yeah.

Eric (40m 0s): It would keep, and then at one point she was just like, just push your face on my face. I was, and so then, and then like that seemed to help a lot. She just needed it face to face. Bizarre. But

Anastasiya (40m 10s): Having his face on my face was just, it must have released some sort of like hormone or something.

Eric (40m 17s): Oxytocin or something.

Lisa (40m 19s): Oxytocin, yeah.

Anastasiya (40m 19s): It seems to help. It really was the only thing that helped. So essentially rubbing my back and just having his face on my face, just on and off in the bathroom for an hour,

Eric (40m 27s): It really helped.

Anastasiya (40m 28s): Was what helped. Yeah. It's

Lisa (40m 29s): New things.

Anastasiya (40m 31s): It's just what helped. It's just over and over. That's what helped. And then all of a sudden I kind, okay, I'm feeling a little, it, it's, it seemed to get a little bit better and it seems like, yeah,

Eric (40m 40s): That feeling

Anastasiya (40m 40s): Stopped scrunching of having to poop stop. So Eric's maybe he called the nurses and he's, maybe you should check her.

Eric (40m 45s): Oh yeah. Yeah. So you tell, so then the nurse comes over, she checks, she's to go, oh, baby's here, let's go. And that was it. They run in, they flip all the lights on, they get her up on the thing. And it was like, oh wow. The baby's head is right there. This is crazy. It was crazy. Aaron happened so fast. I couldn't believe it.

Anastasiya (41m 3s): Watched the

Eric (41m 4s): Whole thing. Oh yeah. I was right there.

Anastasiya (41m 6s): And so, yeah. And so then they had put me on my back at that point. And it's funny enough because that was the only time I was on my back. And truly for me it was probably the most uncomfortable for a hot second. Yeah. Because it just, it really did feel unnatural. Like being upright and standing occasionally was so much more comfortable than laying, laying on my back or bending over. Yeah. Yeah. So they just like, there was like, I took my glasses off so I wouldn't have to see anything. 'cause I didn't wanna see the blood and the needles and the gore and everything else that would have to happen. So I was like, I don't wanna see anything. I took my glasses off. There's 10 people, everybody's in the room and they did the thing.

And they're like, okay. So they guided me through what to do. They held up one leg. Eric actually held up the other leg, which was really supportive. They instructed me on how to push. And I, again, so lucky three pushes, three pushes, five minutes.

Eric (41m 54s): Not even five minutes. It was crazy. Remarkable. So fast. I was like, I was so shocked.

Anastasiya (41m 59s): That did happen. Like in the movies.

Eric (42m 1s): It really did actually. I was just like, wow, this is insane. But

Anastasiya (42m 4s): It was, yeah. And the nurses and the doctors were all shocked. And honestly, I

Eric (42m 8s): And you have no epidural. You didn't even take a Tylenol. Like

Anastasiya (42m 11s): No, no painkillers, no epidural. And I think for me personally, again, I know that it's different for everybody. I know that everybody's pain threshold is different. I know everybody has their own choices, but for me, I really do feel like doing it without any kind of pain blockers, like you said, helps you feel where your contractions are. How to breathe. Yeah. How to position yourself, where the baby is, how to push even because everything's just so much more visceral and you're just so much more tuned into everything.

Eric (42m 39s): I feel like there's a reason. There's pain and there's certain feelings. It helps you along. There's so many things I feel like they do now that are completely unnatural. And it takes away from that like real experience. And you know, it's obviously different for everybody. But, and there were, I feel like it helped a lot to have that full feeling and full

Anastasiya (42m 56s): Control of

Eric (42m 57s): Everything for you at least.

Anastasiya (42m 58s): Yes. And yes. And being able to stand and sit and feel her work her way down and feel the difference between, let's say the first types of contractions. And then as she's going down. And I remember also that you had mentioned, again, things I've learned is that sometimes the baby can wobble, they can come out a little, they can come back. So I remember the first push, she came out a little and then she popped back in a little bit. And I remembered again that this was normal. This is supposed to happen. And then I had pushed and then of course then they had to get the placenta out. But that was a little trickier in that. Yeah, I think they said I had a shorter cord. So Sophia came out, she cried, thank God. Great.

Eric (43m 31s): Yeah. Immediate crying.

Anastasiya (43m 32s): They put her on me, they respected, it was really nice. They respected a lot of the things I wanted. So they did the delayed cord. They did delayed. They, yeah, they waited about a minute and a half to cut to cord clamp. They, I had her on me. They did not do any testing for an hour. Like I had asked so that I can do the skin, skin, skin to skin and kind of that golden hour. Then they, so then while I'm holding her, they're now trying to massage the placenta out. But at that point it's like, there, there was so much other pain. That part wasn't so bad. Yeah. But it took a while to get it out.

And then do you, should we get graphic?

Eric (44m 5s): We, we can a little bit, I guess. Sure. Let's

Anastasiya (44m 7s): Listen. We're trying and they think they've got it all, but they want to be sure. So they're pushing on my stomach region. And I'm, I don't have my glasses, so I can't see anything. But Eric saw this. Oh, you wanna,

Eric (44m 18s): You, yeah. So they gave one big, and it was like, it was crazy. It just sprayed out onto all for one of the nurses like crazy, like

Anastasiya (44m 26s): A horror film. It was crazy.

Eric (44m 27s): Oh my goodness. The nurse like, just, and then everybody starts laughing 'cause it was like,

Anastasiya (44m 35s): And that was another thing you don't realize,

Eric (44m 36s): But you were just like, whatever you, because you're at the point where there's so many hormones, so much you're overwhelmed completely with everything.

Anastasiya (44m 43s): And then I think of course, then the worst part for me, I think bar none, the labor, the pregnancy, the delivery, nothing is bad as getting stitched up without any painkillers. Oh, now that was my least favorite part because that one they do, they try to inject you with a local anesthetic, like a lidocaine that did nothing. So that was like, I

Lisa (45m 1s): Feel like it doesn't, it often doesn't help. Nothing. It's so bizarre. I don't know why

Anastasiya (45m 6s): Six useless injections for nothing. Nothing terrible. And then Eric's obviously watching and I'm holding her and I'm screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs. And everybody in the room is laughing because I am literally just,

Eric (45m 23s): I don't blame her.

Lisa (45m 24s): That's a pinking tool,

Anastasiya (45m 25s): Because they're like, I have the baby on me and the baby, although she's a distraction for me and my needles. That was just, there was no distraction that could be had. Sure, yeah. As they stitched me up. But even the doctor said, she said, she goes, I have not done this to somebody who has not had an epidural. So many people just do that.

Eric (45m 42s): She's pretty, she basically was like super rare not to get the epidural. They

Anastasiya (45m 45s): Least in that hospital. Yeah, they, I didn't, I drank my own fluids, so they didn't have to put me on an IV drip or anything, just, I just had the hep lock in for when they needed it afterwards. Yeah. Nice. But other than that, yeah, like everybody was incredibly respectful of my birth plan. I had minimal interruptions. Honestly, if it wasn't for Eric, I, if I keep telling everybody, if Eric wasn't there and he wasn't there coaching me and guiding me and putting his face on my face, I probably would not have been able to do it without caving and getting the meds, honestly, like he was. And I tell, and I, I think back to the day, and I think that honestly it was probably one of the most defining moments of our relationship.

No, really, one of the moments I'm most proud of barn on, like Eric was, he was so much better than I could have ever anticipated. Him being like, I didn't know how it would go. I didn't know what would happen. But he was just cool as a cucumber. He was so guiding, he honestly just, I know that I was like, do this, do that and this. And he's just, he's doing all the silly things. He's putting his face on my face for 20 minutes in the bathroom while I'm standing there, butt ass naked, sitting on the toilet, standing up, sitting on the toilet, standing up. And he's just doing all the things.

And he's there and he's watching. And it was, it was everything I needed, honestly. It was just, it was perfect. And I think had we not taken the classes and had we not known about all these things. Yeah. And talked about it and thought it through

Eric (47m 6s): A lot differently, I

Anastasiya (47m 6s): Think. Yeah, I really think so as well. It would've gone immensely differently. Yeah. I probably would've gotten induced because they're like, oh, you got induced. And you get to the hospital and you're go, okay. Yeah. And oh, I didn't have to do any of that. The baby came on her own. She came, she pretty

Eric (47m 19s): Quickly too. Pretty

Anastasiya (47m 19s): Quickly. She came fine. She did all the things. We hit all the stages. Pretty much the birth plan I got very fortunate. I know this does not happen. And I, I was not, again, I was prepared for anything. Anything could happen. I was prepared for a c-section. Had I needed one, I was prepared for an epidural, had I needed one. But in this instance, I didn't need any of that. And it was, honestly, I look back at it.

Eric (47m 38s): They're one tough cookie though. That's another thing. Your pain tolerance is insane. It's unbelievable. It was so I was props to you. That was, it was watching the whole thing was so impressive. 'cause I was like, I don't know how I would have fared if it were me.

Lisa (47m 51s): You'll never see each other the same way again. No, no, no. Definitely. You have so, such a like upleveled deeper respect for

Anastasiya (47m 59s): Hundred percent. Absolutely. And it was so perfect that I joke, I say that perhaps I'm like, I don't maybe don't even want anymore kids, because the first time around was so perfect. What if it taints the experience the second time around? Okay. What the first time I maybe just wanna keep the, keep that memory. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it was,

Eric (48m 13s): It was intense. It was very intense. But it was,

Anastasiya (48m 16s): I mean, she was born, yeah, she was born on May 10th at 4:18 PM So all in, considering my water broke at five in the morning, contraction started at 10:00 AM then at 4:00 PM I had her. It really was, no,

Eric (48m 27s): The whole process was less than 12 hours. It was not. But really the intense part was only about

Anastasiya (48m 32s): Three hours.

Eric (48m 34s): Yeah. Yeah.

Anastasiya (48m 35s): And it, yeah, it was, and then, and then we did the thing and we had the baby and we talked about it. We said, oh, we said thank, thank Lisa for everything that we learned, because truly it we did in the end. You don't realize how much you take away from it until you actually utilize it in the moment or need it in the moment. Yeah. And it was a lot. It was a lot.

Eric (48m 52s): Yeah. Yeah. Really. It was.

Anastasiya (48m 54s): It was. And Eric, who was the skeptic, actually went to me and said was, he goes,

Eric (48m 58s): I was like, that class, at least class really? It actually did help. I was like, we use almost everything from that class, especially the massage. The butt sandwich. The butt sandwich. That's really,

Anastasiya (49m 7s): They really, and I would've

Eric (49m 8s): Been, and the questions and learning all about like what Pitocin does versus oxytocin and the differences and why they induce. And a lot of it, I feel like it's, they wanna make money too. Yeah. And they're like, when it's, sometimes they have ulterior motives and they really push for that epidural. 'cause that's an expensive procedure. So Yeah,

Lisa (49m 26s): Absolutely.

Eric (49m 27s): Do I need this or do they, do they just check the boxes? Right. You know, it's Yeah. Kind of what's needed and what's not. And you really help to know, okay. Ask them if it's medically necessary, because sometimes it is, of course, if there's any kind of situation, you definitely wanna listen to the doctor. But sometimes they just want to get it over with. Get it quick, get you in and out. Yeah.

Anastasiya (49m 46s): And in this case, yeah, got to eat.

Lisa (49m 48s): That's so unheard of. Just for listeners, I just wanna mention, at least here in New York City, most hospitals are like nothing to eat. But maybe because your contractions hadn't started yet. Maybe that's part of it. Or maybe it's just a hospital that I wasn't aware maybe isn't as,

Anastasiya (50m 6s): Or maybe she, we just got really lucky and she was just a really good nurse. Could

Lisa (50m 10s): Be. Could be. I'm so glad that was the case for you.

Anastasiya (50m 14s): Yeah, I think it really did, like you said, gave me the fuel and the energy to do it, because I was fueled up. I was dead. You with

Eric (50m 19s): That with calories? Yeah. I,

Lisa (50m 20s): Water and protein.

Anastasiya (50m 23s): We got Gatorades, I had Gatorades. It was great. Great

Lisa (50m 26s): Electrolytes. Yeah.

Anastasiya (50m 27s): Yeah. And everything worked out really well. And then they waited the hour, then they did all the tests and it was good. She was good. She, yeah, she came three weeks early, but she was fine.

Eric (50m 36s): It was like, wasn't it the day, the day after,

Anastasiya (50m 38s): Full term. Now they consider full term 37 weeks. Yeah. So it was 37. She was 37 weeks in a day. Yeah.

Lisa (50m 45s): Nice.

Eric (50m 45s): And we took her home on Mother's Day, which

Anastasiya (50m 47s): On Mother's Day. Yeah.

Eric (50m 49s): On the 12th. Nice.

Lisa (50m 51s): That was, so I think I shared this with you probably when you told me your daughter's birthday. But that was my firstborn's birthday as well. And I love it so much because of its proximity to Mother's Day. Yeah, yeah. For us, it was right before he was born. It falls just sometimes before, sometimes after. But it's such a special time of year. So I loved seeing that your daughter was born on that day. That's very special to our family as well.

Anastasiya (51m 16s): Yeah. So absolutely. I would recommend these classes. Check. Absolutely.

Lisa (51m 22s): Thank you. Appreciate that. And I just, kudos to you all, Eric. Amazing. We, yeah. We totally need that support so much. Like, we're just not meant to do it without that. No. Yeah. That emotional and physical support

Anastasiya (51m 38s): And, and because it's your partner, it means more, it holds more gravity.

Lisa (51m 42s): Of course. Yeah.

Anastasiya (51m 43s): Yeah. And I knew, I was like, okay, if he has faith in me and he's saying, I can do it, I really can do it. I really can do it. Yeah. He's saying, I can do it. I can do it. Yeah. Women have done this time and time again. I can do it. Like my mom did it, obviously without an epidural or any, like, we, we can do it. Yeah.

Lisa (51m 57s): So, yeah.

Eric (51m 58s): Yeah, yeah.

Lisa (51m 59s): Yeah. And also, another thing that really stuck out to me was just how instinctively you moved around. And that certainly helped the labor to progress as it did so beautifully and so efficiently. And then going to hide in the bathroom is a strategy. I always love that. And the fact that you, the toilet, I'm on the, I preached the toilet, as you remember, all three. It's such an instinctive place to be.

Anastasiya (52m 24s): It was just comforting. It was a comforting feeling for some reason. I don't know. So it was like sitting and standing and then being nearby the toilet to know that it's there. Yes.

Eric (52m 33s): In general, I think was huge. Because a lot of times, I'm sure people just lie on the bed the whole time,

Anastasiya (52m 38s): You know? But, and, and then I was hooked up wirelessly, so of course I could move as well. I remember that was one of the first things I asked them when I got to the hospital. I said, do you have wireless fetal monitoring? They're like, great. That's what I want.

Lisa (52m 48s): Yay. And it was charged up. I'm so glad to hear it. Yes.

Anastasiya (52m 52s): Wonderful. Yeah. So all in, I think it was, it couldn't have been better, honestly. It couldn't have, it could not have been better. Yeah.

Lisa (52m 58s): So, and I, I adore the face-to-face thing just, and me that you just were like, I need this. Let's try this. I just, and

Anastasiya (53m 5s): I did that while they were stitching me up too. And all the nurses laughed because I was literally like, Eric, I said, gimme your face. I said, put your face here. Put your face. I said, go move. Just, just keep it on my face. So it was like, baby here, Eric here,

Eric (53m 17s): Just one, a happy family.

Anastasiya (53m 20s): And he did, I'm sure it was silly, but

Lisa (53m 22s): His face was your comfort blanket,

Anastasiya (53m 24s): Literally. And I was was like, and the, yeah, the, I remember the nurses started cracking up because I was like, Eric, face,

Eric (53m 28s): Gimme your face.

Anastasiya (53m 32s): Maybe

Lisa (53m 33s): I'll incorporate this into our comfort measures in class.

Anastasiya (53m 36s): It was so helpful for some reason. Of course, I will also preface this by saying he was a clean shaven so that he had a very soft face.

Lisa (53m 43s): Makes a difference. Makes a difference, for sure. Now, when did you shave? Did you shave before all of this happened?

Eric (53m 50s): When, oh no, you, oh my gosh. She brought my razor and shaving cream to the hospital. It was in the go bag. Yeah. And I, she put, go

Lisa (54m 0s): Shave. I need your face

Eric (54m 1s): From the birthing room

Anastasiya (54m 2s): While I was moving around.

Eric (54m 4s): So funny. She's like, Eric, go shaving. I was like, well listen, at this point I'll do anything. Whatever helps. Whatever helps.

Anastasiya (54m 9s): Yes. Yeah. So he shaved while I was moving

Eric (54m 11s): Around. Got a little beard going on at the time. So it was really funny. Oh my

Lisa (54m 16s): Gosh, that is perfect. You were so prepared.

Anastasiya (54m 18s): Yep. Yeah. Yeah. And it, and it helped like three weeks. So it helped to have the go bag ready, maybe a month in advance, just in case.

Lisa (54m 26s): Absolutely

Eric (54m 26s): Prepared.

Lisa (54m 28s): Wonderful. Oh, and can you just clarify about how many hours after your waters ruptured? Did your contractions start?

Anastasiya (54m 35s): Probably about four and a half. Five. Okay.

Lisa (54m 39s): I was guesstimating five, but I wasn't

Anastasiya (54m 40s): For sure. Yeah. And they started pretty slowly. They, it was like, it was very gradual. They started very mild and then ramped up. And then when they ramped up the ramp up time itself maybe was only like an hour and a half of like real deal. These are very painful contractions where I'm pounding on the bed.

Lisa (54m 56s): Yep.

Eric (54m 57s): Yes. Yeah.

Anastasiya (54m 58s): But other than that. Yeah.

Eric (54m 59s): Yeah. And it was crazy. 'cause you were just like, I don't really remember what it felt like really. What exactly would it? No,

Lisa (55m 5s): We're out of that think brain being

Anastasiya (55m 6s): Intense. I can't tell you, I cannot tell you. I know. I now understand when people ask What do contractions feel like? A lot of people can't answer that question because I can't tell you what they felt like. I don't remember. I remember it was painful, but I don't remember what exactly it felt like. Hmm,

Lisa (55m 20s): Yep, yep. Those primitive hormones take over and we're not in our thinking brain. And it's just all very like labor land altered state of reality. Yes,

Anastasiya (55m 29s): Yes. Right. And then right after the pushing, it's, you're like in a dream state almost because of the hormones and all the release of everything. It's a very surreal experience. Obviously I didn't have my glasses on, so I couldn't even see half of the things. But even so, it just, it feels, it just it, yeah. It just feels very dreamy. Like you're, it's like dreamy. Which is also very helpful because I remember speaking to Eric about what we wanted with the baby and how we wanted to stick to it. And so I told him in advance, we had talked about it, that you be the one to keep an eye on things and make sure that you guide the nurses and doctors as we might.

Eric (56m 2s): Yeah. She's still out of it. I'm like, I, I don't know.

Anastasiya (56m 4s): Not be cohesive. Coherent enough. And so, yeah. So that was also helpful to have a plan and talk about everything beforehand. Yeah.

Eric (56m 11s): That was great. Yeah. I was the backup. Yeah.

Anastasiya (56m 13s): You were more than a backup.

Eric (56m 14s): It was. It was. Yeah. I think it went pretty well.

Lisa (56m 17s): Yeah. E Eric, I wonder if you have any, are there any specific pointers here that you'd highlight for expectant dads partners who might be listening? Are there any things that you would reflect on about this journey for you personally and or as labor support? Any, anything.

Eric (56m 34s): Yeah. So I think going all going into this, originally I was pretty freaked out. I was like, oh no, I'm having a baby. This is crazy. Especially the labor and delivery. I was like psyching myself out. But then one day I was walking around, I think I was walking around Bryant Park and there's, it was a beautiful summer day and there's so many people, and I'm like, all these people were born, everybody here had to go through some kind of labor, whether it was easy or hard or whatever. But they're, oh, this is wild. I was like, so that somehow, that made me feel a lot better. I was like, every and everybody, I know they've gone through this.

So I was like, this is a natural part of life. This is a natural thing to do. So I don't know. After that I felt a lot better. And then your class helped a lot because I was like, okay, now I have a lot of techniques. We had the birth plan, so I don't know, going into it, like originally I was like totally freaked out, totally nervous. And then during the actual day of, I don't know, I was pretty calm. Something kicked in and I was like, this isn't so bad. I was like, I can do this. She can handle this. We can handle this. We got this.

I don't know. We did it and it was, I don't know, it just, you have to ask a lot of questions. You have to have a plan. You have to be prepared as well as you can. But, and if you're not prepared, listen, your body will kick in, your brain and your systems will realize, okay, this is a natural thing. This is, everybody does it. And there's a lot that just happens involuntarily that it seems, I don't know, it was a lot easier than I expected. I

Anastasiya (58m 2s): Also think that your patience helped, I think because you also were calm. It helped calm me as well. And I think that you listening to me and like I, he would pat me occasionally and the patting was not good. So I was like, don't pat. Oh

Eric (58m 14s): Yeah, yeah. I'd go like, rub and I’d do this. Pat, pat, pat. And I

Anastasiya (58m 16s): Like, don't pat

Lisa (58m 17s): Pat. No Pats. Helpful feedback. But

Eric (58m 18s): Even there were certain weird things. Or

Anastasiya (58m 20s): Even if I would do this or I would ask him like, do this, do that. He was very just like attentive and wasn't just, oh my God, you know, you're so annoying or

Eric (58m 27s): Whatever. No, you really have to go with the flow of what she wants to, because her body is the one dictating this entire experience. And I think that just whatever she needs and the words of encouragement and massage and whatever is, you just have to really gotta go along with it. And it's whatever you can do to help her out and to get her mentally strong and everything, anything that it really encourages her is really important. So I think we did pretty well. And then it's funny 'cause some of my other friends were like, I didn't look. I couldn't look. I don't know how you did it. One of my other friends was like, I almost passed out.

I freaked out the whole time. And I'm like, so then that kind of psyched me out. But I don't know, I was there. I watched the whole thing. It was amazing. It was wild. It was wild. It was like the craziest experience I've ever had. It was unbelievable. It was just amazing. It was like, this is the miracle of life. It really was incredible. And I was like, there's my baby. This is, it was like, we went from just, this is me and my wife. She got a big belly and she's pregnant. So then like the second you see the baby, you're like, whoa, this is real. This is some spiritual experience. That stuff was really amazing.

Yeah. In terms of advice though, I think it's just try to be as calm as possible and don't try to rush anything either. It's just let everything happen the way it happened. It's not about, oh, this is getting, they say, oh, it's gonna take 1224 hours. It's not really, it's not, oh, this is taking so long. It's just, this is the whole process and this is just the way it is. And you have to just go through it and experience it. And it's, I don't know, it was like the longest and shortest day of my life. It was weird. It was like time didn't progress the same way. Yeah, it does normally.

So it was fascinating. You get a weird time dilation type of experience. And especially with, you have all these hormones going on and your, it was crop and things in completely different ways. And at

Anastasiya (1h 0m 11s): The end, yeah,

Eric (1h 0m 11s): The whole thing is, it's just wild.

Anastasiya (1h 0m 12s): It feels dreamlike at the end. It was a wild experience.

Eric (1h 0m 14s): Yeah. It felt dreamlike for me. And especially once it arrives, you're like, whoa. It was really, it felt dreamy. It was wild. So it was, yeah. But the amount of love and the amount of emotion, everything you feel is unlike anything I've experienced. Yeah. It was pretty, pretty powerful stuff. Yeah.

Anastasiya (1h 0m 29s): I think the worst part for Eric was the, we were kept in the hospital for two days after and he is asleep on a chair. That was, oh my god. It was,

Lisa (1h 0m 35s): Oh no. Good place for you to sleep. Huh?

Eric (1h 0m 37s): Gave like the most uncomfortable chair ever. Oh great.

Lisa (1h 0m 41s): Yeah. That often happens. I wish that was different.

Eric (1h 0m 45s): Yeah. There should be a bed for the husband too, right? Yes.

Lisa (1h 0m 48s): There should be.

Eric (1h 0m 50s): Oh, well, you know, I had, yeah. Nothing compared when she went through since.

Anastasiya (1h 0m 55s): Yeah.

Lisa (1h 0m 56s): Is there anything else that you haven't gotten to share that you wanted to share? Or any final words that you'd like to give and other tips for listeners?

Anastasiya (1h 1m 5s): Yeah. I would say also that you look at everything as a whole. And so I would say that looking at it from a realistic lens, in my case, like the pregnancy and labor was, it just felt perfect. It felt great. However, you have to be realistic to the overall situation. And so for me, postpartum after all that happened wasn't the easiest. And I thought hearing about other people's postpartum and hearing how they can maybe be down or something could happen, I thought to myself, I'm naturally like I'm a really happy person. I'm like, happy go lucky. I am. I try not to stress, I try to chill.

I try to do this. This won't happen to me. But then going through some, I would say mild postpartum depression really was challenging. It was very challenging. And I acknowledged that it was just a little more than baby blues because essentially your life changes completely. You are a different person, you have a different circumstance. Yeah. Everything flipped. And then of course, me with losing my job too, essentially everything in my life changed. We had,

Eric (1h 1m 58s): Yes, you were in the office five days a week, you were friends with everybody.

Anastasiya (1h 2m 2s): I would commute to the city,

Eric (1h 2m 3s): Type A personality all the way. So,

Anastasiya (1h 2m 5s): And then here I am just home all the time with this new child on zero sleep, which I think is also huge. You don't realize just how much sleep, how important sleep is, until you don't, you actually cannot have it and you,

Eric (1h 2m 19s): It's literally impossible to sleep.

Anastasiya (1h 2m 22s): All of those things. I think that was, yeah, it's, I think it's realistic to understand that sometimes that part is not a cakewalk. Yeah. And sometimes it's really hard.

Eric (1h 2m 30s): And on the other hand too, it's, I really took your advice when you said, don't take whatever we say to each other. Don't take it personally. Yes. That was huge. Oh my God, we, 'cause there were so many times you're sleep deprived. Yes. Baby's crying, everything. And you get mad at each other.

Anastasiya (1h 2m 44s): Whatever. We literally recited the mantra. I will not hold this against you probably 10 times. Yeah. In the process, because we understand it's you, you, you know, you're on edge, you're, I'm hormonal. You're snapping at each other. Sleep deprived, you're sleep deprived. And you have to step back and realize that this is just the circumstance. And so I will say it's tough for everybody struggling. Like it's so real and it's so normal. And I feel like I wish it was more normalized. I talk to a lot of my friends who are moms and everybody goes through these kinds of same feelings of guilt and doubt.

And when sadness and the crying and the hormones. And I wish that it was more normalized to say that this is okay and this is what happens. And obviously now month four is a whole hell of a lot easier than month one does

Eric (1h 3m 28s): Get easier.

Anastasiya (1h 3m 29s): I'm feeling a lot better. And obviously I also then got a therapist because I realized that I needed to take care of myself and speak to somebody about this kind of stuff and all these feelings that I have and trying to find myself as a person, again after having another person that I'm responsible for 24 7. And

Eric (1h 3m 45s): It's totally, it's a totally different life. Yeah. You completely change like very, very much from Yeah. In the office every day, working, going out, all this stuff, going to the city, going out to dinner, everything like that. And then to just totally at home. Yeah, totally. Taking care.

Anastasiya (1h 4m 2s): Pretty much. Yeah. Just like us. Radical

Eric (1h 4m 3s): Difference. Completely different from working boss lady to, yeah. Stay at home Mom was a huge life shift. Huge. It was wild. But you handled it very well. I think you're doing incredibly well.

Anastasiya (1h 4m 15s): Yeah. Now I'm feeling a lot better. Yeah. And I think also what I started doing was I realized to try to keep some semblance of my own life and identity as much as I can. So we're very fortunate, a, to have help. So sometimes I've gotten better at having somebody watch her and doing something for myself. Which again, you interact with mom guilt when you start doing that in the beginning and you leave your baby and you feel so guilty because how,

Eric (1h 4m 37s): And this is just with your parents, this isn't like, it's not like we got a baby. This is my mom and your, and your,

Anastasiya (1h 4m 42s): You know, how can you leave her? What is wrong with me? Why am I so selfish that I need to do something and leave her alone? You know, alone

Eric (1h 4m 49s): Just, yeah, you can go to yoga, you need it touch, just go to yoga. And I'd be like, NAS, it's okay. And so go to yoga, you gotta go to yoga. It's very important to figure out. So like,

Anastasiya (1h 4m 58s): Yeah. Therapy and, and everything. Reframing your brain and doing those things actually really is very important and helpful. And also now that she's four months, I've started taking her out more places. So she had me and took her first trip to Manhattan the other day. Oh yeah. I took her out on my own, which was scary, but also very exciting. Yeah. Met up with friends, went to, went out to lunch to a restaurant and life started to feel a little bit more normal again. And so just like falling into place and all these things were very helpful, but in the beginning, yeah, it wasn't easy. It was not easy at all. And it was not happy go lucky.

And it was not this picture perfect. Oh my God, my life is perfect. This is everything. It wasn't like that. And I don't, I

Lisa (1h 5m 34s): Hardly know anybody who says that. Yeah. And I,

Anastasiya (1h 5m 38s): I think that's very unrealistic. Yeah. So I think it's very important to know that all these feelings are very natural. And especially when it came to breastfeeding and we had problems latching and we had to get help from lactation consultants and we had to have workarounds because it wasn't working at first. And Oh yeah, all these,

Eric (1h 5m 57s): It was a struggle, big

Anastasiya (1h 5m 59s): Struggle. All these things to try to not feel like a failure somehow, even though it's not your fault, it's not her fault. It just sometimes anatomically is the way that it is. But it was interesting the way that it happened in the beginning. She wouldn't latch at all. They just, and anatomically me and her were not, were not puzzle pieces. So I would pump exclusively. So I started pumping and then I had to supplement with formula because there was just not enough breast milk and that's okay too. And then eventually as she got a little bit older and a little bit bigger, now she actually is being able to be boob fed on her own. Because now anatomically we are better for each other.

She is now breastfeeding fine. So I'm supplementing a little bit less with formula. And she's, because she was early, she was a little on the smaller side. She was born at six pounds, but now she's gained all the weight back. She's tracking where she's supposed to be. Yeah. So you just have to be patient and give yourself brace,

Eric (1h 6m 45s): Honestly. Yeah. It may seem really scary at first. And it may seem like all this stuff daunting, get better and blah blah. It slowly, day by day it does chip away and it does eventually get better, easier and easier at least. And it doesn't seem like it at the time because it is a slow process. Right. But eventually you look back and you're like, wait, this is not so bad. And you think back, oh yeah, I forgot what it was like that It was so crazy. I wasn't sleeping at all and all I was doing was washing pump parts. And, and even now it's like

Anastasiya (1h 7m 12s): Normal small things are such big, let's say celebrations. Like, oh, now it's so innate holding her. Whereas before you had no idea how to do it. Or changing a diaper so innate now before it was completely new or how to burp her or how to make sure that she's fed or all these things that, that are learned that seemingly are so hard in the beginning, just become natural and you forget that you learned all these things and you've got over that hurdle and everything just becomes easier and easier as the time goes by. And obviously as you learn your child and your child learns you, but it, yeah, it's a wild ride.

It's completely crazy.

Lisa (1h 7m 46s): Yeah. It's a lot. And I think one of the things I see a lot with a lot of really successful New York parents, especially moms, but not limited to just moms, because there's such a steep learning curve as a new parent with this thing we've never done before, suddenly we feel we don't feel successful. And that can really be, add an extra layer of challenge emotionally that complicates things because we like being successful. We like getting everything right.

And

Anastasiya (1h 8m 18s): Then, you know, add on the hormonal components and then all of a sudden Oh absolutely. A huge deal. And then you're like, I'm a failure. I failed. And that's not, yeah.

Lisa (1h 8m 27s): Yeah. I loved you give yourself grace. Yeah. That would be something I just would wanna reiterate is we do need to give ourselves so much grace and just know that it's just really complicated. Yeah. And, and challenging because there's just a lot to learn and get used to and new normal and all of that.

Anastasiya (1h 8m 46s): Thousand percent. Oh yeah. And, and it changes. It also changes. Like today's normal is not yesterday's normal is not month one's normal. It's completely evolving. Yeah.

Eric (1h 8m 56s): Yeah. The challenges you have are gonna, I'm sure we're gonna have a whole radically new set challenges when she starts walking around

Lisa (1h 9m 2s): Every stage. She

Anastasiya (1h 9m 3s): Be, she started, she's starting to teethe. So that's a new set of challenges coming out.

Lisa (1h 9m 6s): Oh yes. That goes on for a while. Yep.

Anastasiya (1h 9m 11s): But yeah,

Eric (1h 9m 12s): It's a never ending journey, but it's wonderful. It's, I don't know, it's better than I ever thought it was gonna be. 'cause I never wanted to have kids when I was younger at all. Yeah. And something flipped in my brain. I was like, I really want kids. And you're like, me too. Let's do it. Yeah, let's

Lisa (1h 9m 26s): Do it. I'm glad that happened. It sounds like it happened around the same time for the two of you. That's nice. Possibly.

Anastasiya (1h 9m 30s): Yeah.

Eric (1h 9m 31s): Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we've got a little bit more stability in our life and we're like, yeah, I think it's time. And then it's been wonderful. I don't know. Not the better really. It's unbelievable. I

Lisa (1h 9m 41s): Love wonderful. Thank you so much Anastasiya and Eric, this has been such a delight to hear. Oh my gosh. I just love you too as a couple and Eric, how supportive you were. And Anastasiya, you're amazing. What a beautiful birth story and thank you. I'm just wishing you all the best. I hope Sophia continues to sleep through the night like you should before we hit record. 12 hours last night. 12, I think you 12

Anastasiya (1h 10m 7s): Hours last night. See, and this was the first night. And look, we got there. We made it. Yeah.

Lisa (1h 10m 12s): Yes. It's a huge celebration. Whether or not it sticks. I hope it does. Of course.

Anastasiya (1h 10m 17s): It's like milestones. You hit them. Yeah.

Lisa (1h 10m 19s): Yeah. All thank you again and I hope to see you at a reunion. Oh yeah, we have one coming up. Thank you so much. Lovely meet you. Thanks so much. Alright, that's all for today's story. Next time we are going to have a speech language pathologist who specializes in tethered oral tissues or also known as tots. Also more commonly known as tongue ties or lip ties. Here's a sneak peek.

Speaker 4 (1h 10m 46s): My goal in life is to prevent this ripple effect for as many babies as we can. Because eating together and having it be pleasurable is such a wonderful experience for families. And if it's stressful, then it's something that you dread at least three times a day, you know? And that's, that's bad. It feels like a superpower to be able to teach parents how to get over those really stressful moments, especially like young babies. And if it's just not coming naturally, the mom feels very guilty.

And so I like to alleviate a lot of that. And then we also love working with kids. We're transitioning to solids around six months, 18 months is another time where we get a lot of kids.

Lisa (1h 11m 27s): Before we close things out for today, I was communicating with Anastasiya a little bit after we recorded the birth story and asked her if there was any kind of affirmation, mantra, reminder she'd like to share with listeners. And she responded with the following, she says, during labor, I wouldn't say it was a particular phrase so much as Eric saying things like, you are strong, you can do this over and over. Also, it helped for me to think that my body will know what to do naturally and telling myself that helped me feel less anxious and somehow more mentally prepared for the unknown.

Finally, postpartum, we use your phrase a lot to one another. I will not hold anything against you during this time and let things go easier as a result. So those are a few phrases that are options of things you could meditate on this week. I also would like to share this phrase, raise, give yourself grace or in a relationship, give each other grace.

What might it look like to give yourself a little extra grace right now? Or what might it look like to give a loved one some extra grace? Thank you so much for listening to the Birth Matters podcast. If you haven't already followed us, I hope you'll do that. And if there's a place to leave a review and you enjoy our podcast, I hope you'll leave a review. Thanks so much and we'll see you next time. Be well.